


The Biggest Spoon

by blue_pointer



Series: A Glorious Retelling [52]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: A Traveler's Gambit, Arcane texting, Canon Timeline, Cinnamon Roll Grog, Comedy, Don't copy to another site, Fluff and Humor, Grog can't read, M/M, POV Vax'ildan, Polyamory Negotiations, Secrets, Spooning, Vaxmore, bisexual disaster vax'ildan, minor Grog Strongjaw/Shaun Gilmore, minor Vax'ildan/Grog Strongjaw, minor Vax/Grog?, spilling tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29120865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: In which Vax texts with Gilmore and Grog learns things.
Relationships: Grog Strongjaw & Vax'ildan, Shaun Gilmore & Grog Strongjaw, Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Series: A Glorious Retelling [52]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975831
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	The Biggest Spoon

After a crazy night at the Luck’s Run and several failed attempts to get high on fusaka, Vax resigned himself to a night of trying to sleep through Grog’s snoring and farting. But then, he’d signed up for this--as in asked to room with Grog instead of Scanlan or Percy. Vax was still exploring these tingly new feelings he was having regarding Grog. 

It didn’t take long for Grog to fall asleep. As soon as he did, Vax snuck into the farthest corner of the room and withdrew the new arcane parchment Gilmore had given him. 

“Hey, Gilmore,” Vax said, looking up, as though Gilmore’s scrying somehow looked down on him from above. “Just checking in, gorgeous, like we talked about. Sorry for not calling last night, we uh--it was a long day of travel and I was tired.” He glanced at the paper. “Hullo? Is this thing on?” The last paper had worked, but Vax had yet to see proof that this one did. 

_ Yes, my love? _

Vax smiled, feeling better already. “How are you holding up?” 

_ As well as I can. No more emergencies here, at least.  _

“Should I worry?” ‘As well as I can’ didn’t inspire a lot of confidence about his well-being.

_ Not at all. You’ve reached the city, then? How is everyone? _

“Yes. We didn’t expect it to be quite so big. But then...” Vax smirked. “Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised things are bigger here in Marquet.”

_ You’re terrible. Go on. _

Vax grinned. “It’s really beautiful here. And things are expensive--Vex hates it, naturally. Tonight we went to a casino so that Scanlan could be ridiculous. He succeeded.”

_ The Luck’s Run? I hope you didn’t lose all your money. _

“Nope. The only thing I bet on tonight was Scanlan. And he never lets me down for a good time.”

_ I have no idea how to respond to that. _

“Yeah, no. You know...speaking of good times...you won’t believe who we met today.” 

Vax had been so involved in his conversation with Gilmore, he hadn’t noticed the snoring stop. Or the goliath who’d crawled up behind him. “Oi, who’re you talking to?” Grog asked. “Are you sleep-talkin’?” 

Vax quickly hid the paper. Which was ridiculous, because Grog couldn’t read. His brain remembered this a moment too late. “Er, nobody, big guy. Just go back to sleep.” 

“How’m I supposed to sleep with you jabberin’ away?” Grog asked. Which was bullshit. Vax had watched him sleep through natural disasters before. 

Vax sighed. “It looks like I have to go,” he told Gilmore. 

“Where you goin’?” Grog asked. 

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Vax said. 

_ Just tell him. Also, Grog sleeps fully-clothed. I never would have guessed.  _

“Yeah, talk about disappointing,” Vax grinned. 

“Disappointing? Well who in fuck are you talking to then?” 

Vax turned around. “Listen, this is a secret and you can’t tell anyone.” 

Grog leaned forward, his magic eyebrow going up. “Okay?”

“I mean, like top top secret.” 

“Are you gonna tell me the secret!?” Grog asked, eagerly. 

Vax held up the parchment. “This. Is Gilmore.” 

Grog squinted his eyes. “You’re tellin’ me that piece of paper is Gilmore?” He leaned forward and sniffed it. “Well that’s just a piece of paper. How stupid do you think I am?”

“You don’t want me to answer that,” Vax said. 

_ Don’t be a bully. _

Vax sighed. “No, look. I talk to Gilmore, and he writes back on this piece of paper. It’s magic. See?” He pointed to the letters as Gilmore wrote:

_ Hello, Grog, dear. _

“How’d he do that?” Grog asked, his eyes following the lines as they burned themselves into the paper. Grog recognized his name, but not the other two words. 

“I told you,” Vax said. “It’s magic. Also, he just said hello to you.” 

“Aw, I knew that,” Grog said, trying to look dignified. 

“Of course you did.” 

“Please give Gilmore my regards and offer my best wishes for his very good health.”

“He can hear you,” Vax said, frustrated. 

“Wot?” Grog’s eyes widened and he looked all around the room. “How?” He peered under the mattress. “Gilmore?” 

Vax laughed. “It’s a spell, genius. Like the kind Keyleth uses to look far away.” 

_ Am I to glean from this that Grog can’t read? _

“Not a word,” Vax said. 

“Huh?” Grog looked up from searching under the bed. “I didn’t say anything. Hey, did you tell him about Keyleth?” 

“Shut up, Grog.” Vax had begun to shove the parchment back into his pocket before he realized Gilmore could still hear them. 

“Did you talk to him about sharin’? Like me and Scanlan do sometimes?” 

_ Vax’ildan? _

“Look, I promise this all has a very innocent explanation…”

Grog looked at him for a moment. “So you didn’t tell him.” 

“Shut up, Grog,” Vax said again, between clenched teeth. 

Suddenly the paper was snatched out of his fingers. “Listen, Gilmore,” Grog began to speak into the paper as though it was some sort of communication earring. “Vax asked me if I wanted to share you, but I told him I don’t think you’re interested. If you ever change your mind, though--” 

Vax jerked the paper back. “Stop! That’s not how it works!”

_ I love you immensely. And this is diverting. But I feel one of my headaches coming on.  _

“Poor Gilmore.” Vax frowned. “Please take care of yourself. I know you can’t sleep anymore, but...get some rest. However you can.”

_ Give Grog a kiss for me. _

“That’s not funny.” 

“Wot’d he say?” Grog asked. 

“Just...nevermind.”

“No, I wanna know,” Grog said. “Not because I can’t read it for myself, but like. It’s your paper. I’m tryin’ to be polite.” 

Vax thought about it for a moment. “He said you should let me use you for a pillow tonight. And show you how to spoon.” 

“Spoon? You mean like fork?” Grog looked nervous.

Vax actually considered it for a moment. “No, you already know how to do that.” 

Grog chuckled. “That’s true--not with dudes, though,” he amended. “‘Cause, you know.”

“Okay, well, do you want to learn how to do it or not?” 

Grog just looked at him like a deer in torchlight. “You mean. With dudes?” 

The look on Grog’s face...the sheer terror. It was the opposite of ‘interested.’ “Not today, Grog,” Vax said. “I have a headache.” 

Grog looked very relieved. 

“Come on, I’ll show you how to spoon. You have to be the big spoon, though. I don’t want you farting on me all night.” 

“I’m gonna fart anyway,” Grog warned. 

“Yeh, I know.” So he taught Grog how to be the big spoon.

This was not a scenario Vax would have ever pictured a few months ago. But it was not a bad fix for sleeping Gilmore-less. He might even get used to it.

As Vax was falling asleep, he realized...he never had gotten around to asking Gilmore if he knew J’mon Sa Ord. Oh well. There would be plenty of time for that. They had at least another 8 days to live.


End file.
